How do I title this post... Vent I guess?

I've survived two finals and made it out alive...AP Euro and AP Calc. A in both classes, thank goodness. I'm really scared about the other two which are my hardest classes. Hon. Humanities and AP Chem. Biggest worry being the first one, since there aren't any AP tests to cover for it.

It's interesting to reflect upon the warnings my now junior year friends told me about the Humanities class. "Don't take it...it'll drop your GPA, don't get on [teacher name]'s nerves" etc. Really it's interesting how things would've been different had I not been forced to choose my classes in a 5-min time frame (it was due on a certain day and they forced us to choose 5 days before that day. I did not know and neither did anyone else). I probably would not have picked AP Euro, and replaced it with Orchestra, but just maybe I would've had time to do a better job on the Thesis paper.

Well anyway, as I stare at my screen, I realize that whatever has happened has happened. In middle school, getting straight A's was for my parents. In 9th grade, getting straight A's was for myself; I had changed. Now, I don't know what to think. I'm starting to go back to "I must get straight A's for parents" again. I really don't know what to say. My grandparents always had a lot of hope for me. To work until 2 AM nightly, and to have them know, only to get a B as the result, is undoubtedly heartbreaking for them. For my parents too. For me, I'm used to sleeping 6 hr per night and marginally passing.

I've always been very lucky. 90% in Orchestra 1st quarter of High School, after bombing playing tests. 90.3% in AP Chem 1st quarter of Sophomore year, after bombing the midterm. Countless times in previous English classes to have a C at the end of 1st quarter, and bounce back after stressing out. English has always been my weak spot, and always will be; as my first language was not English. I've always trended toward being brief and terse, and this is probably my longest post ever.

Now, as I stare down the possibility of getting a B in Humanities, I feel like giving up. Note that Thursday night at approximately 1 AM, I made a thread about giving up, but then I deleted it. (Tom may have seen it but there were only a couple of views other than my own.) There was reason to delete it as I'm sure people would've flamed me, and with good reason: whining is for jerks. We all do at some time but to do it on an open message board is downright naive and sinful.* Hopefully, I've tried to remove any traces that I'm complaining/whining in this post, although part of my intention is to vent, since I have no other human contact outside of message boards. It is time to accept reality and destiny, and getting a B is a part of that. Life's tough but it will go on. Perhaps this newfound attitude is the result of an intensification of my faith in God, one area which I feel like is necessary to improve on. Worrying has always been a big part of my sinful nature.

Thanks for reading, whoever read this. I'm sorry if I wasted your time, I tried to make this read as interesting as possible for whoever was going to finish it. I'll post it in my blog as well. I hope you don't hate me because of this.

*Note: Paragraph before last one, ignore part bolded.