If there is something I loathe, it is this. (Not the first thing that pops up in the next paragraph, this whole note elaborates on this.)
There are times when I say mean things, but facetiously. And when I say that, I laugh and I tell people I'm joking, and they get it. I go a little too far though sometimes. That'll be something I'll work on over the year.
There are times when I say mean things because I'm angry and I'm being stupid. I hate it when I do that, obviously. I've been working on controlling my anger at times, and it's been an overall success since my middle school years.
And then, there are times, when I don't mean to say mean things at all. And people say, "that's mean". There are two options here... 1) to ask, what did I say that was mean?... 2) screw it, k I said something mean, whatever.
(2) seems to be easy to achieve, but it ISN'T, at least for me. In retrospect, there are times I realize I was mean when I wasn't intending it, but some instances I just can't figure out (in middle school, my friend and I used to joke about Emily Post's book on Etiquette...sometimes I feel I should check that out lol).
Therein lies, what has perhaps evolved as, my biggest pet peeve. My family does it all the time... there's key things they look for that are polite and courteous and if they don't find them, it's considered to be impolite. It's happened before, people say I'm mean, and something tonight just sparked that feeling again (elaborated below). I loathe, the act of being judgmental towards things. It's not just talking, whenever I read people complaining about other people, I shiver. There are times when I feel I have to walk on nails to please everybody's desires, or else people start complaining and saying bad things about me.
End result: I feel like I'm saying something wrong all the time. I've turned inward and I don't talk to people as much as I do. I only talk (extensively) to people who I am very comfortable with, and who I, well, don't give a darn if they judge me. Sometimes, I feel like there's this formulaic way to talk courteously. All of a sudden, finding topics to talk about online or in real life seems difficult. Elongating the conversation is even more so.
This isn't me.
I've never been very social but my reticent-ness (is that a word lol?) as of late annoys me. Bigtime. Talking to people other than the 5 or so I feel comfortable around, is all of a sudden so difficult.
So I'm going to set my stuff on the line with a public post. No giving a darn if I say something not mean and people think it's mean. Just talk more freely. This is my goal, and I at least want to attempt.
But still, I do want to know if the majority think. I've been getting less people talking to me as of late, so I feel that either they think I'm mean (which means I need to do something about how I talk, and I can't just heed the advice in the above paragraph) or they've noticed my brick wall that I've enclosed around me as of late. Has it been noticeable? And am I mean? I'm looking forward to any responses.
Case 1: I had told my APUSH teacher that I wouldn't be present the next day, because I was getting my fingerprints. I asked her what we were doing the next day, and she tole me a long list of things, and that it would be a "big day". Well, the fingerprinting finished faster than expected, and I entered the classroom 10 min before the period ended. I felt like I was walking on nails, because it just seemed awkward to enter the classroom when I had told her I would not be there. And explaining it also seemed awkward. When I was leaving, I asked her, "what did we do?" And she responded with a fairly succinct list of things. I was relieved, so I answered, "we didn't do anything, thanks". Big mistake. In retrospect I realized that was mean (even though I had not intended it to be), but she said out loud to mean, "that's mean, Jim." Ever since then I feel she doesn't like me all that much. Anyhow, that one was probably my fault.
Case 2: tonight. I had finished my shower, and my mom asked if she could come in. I had put on my clothes so I said, "come in". Then she started saying how I should be more polite when I say things. I'm like, what the heck what did I say? When I asked her she started flipping out on me and told me not to argue with her. I then approached her and asked again... I honestly wanted to know. She told me to go away. Well, whatever... still don't know what I said wrong. I think she wanted me to say, "I welcome you to come in." She's a big stickler on courtesy.
Those are the two most prominent examples. There's more but I can't think of them right now.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Giving Thanks.
So Sunday night (1/27), my mom cooks this delicious dinner. Baby back ribs. Dang that was good. Mucho good. While I was eating, the thought randomly came up to my mind, wow she took her own money to buy those ribs and cooked them using her own hands. That's pretty darn special, and many out in the world don't have the luxuries of ribs or moms who take the time to care. There are things I take for granted all the time, but for that moment, I was truly thankful.
Question: what are you thankful for?
Question: what are you thankful for?
The Power of Prayer
A few weeks ago I joined this prayer thing at my church, just to pray for the world, the church, etc. Well one thing we did was we prayed for people who were not coming and who had not come for a significant amount of time. We prayed that they were okay, and that they were still had a good relationship in God, among other things. Our adviser wanted to pray for a specific person, whose name we shall call "A". We prayed for that, and guess what, she came! For the first time in months, I think. Pretty neat stuff. Some other people that did not come for months, came. Really amazing.
The next week (which was last Sunday), our adviser actually got out the names list and started praying for names. And wow, even more people came. Including more who had not come for weeks and/or months. I recall we were just praying for a specific person, and he came just as we were praying. Our adviser's face was speechless. That week was the busiest week for the church in some time. In fact all the seats were filled, and it happened to be the day when we did the breaking of the bread.
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer." Acts 2:42
"...And the Lord added to the number daily being saved." Acts 2:47
^^The above were the central verses to the lesson on the first week of the influx of people.
God does wonders through prayer.
The next week (which was last Sunday), our adviser actually got out the names list and started praying for names. And wow, even more people came. Including more who had not come for weeks and/or months. I recall we were just praying for a specific person, and he came just as we were praying. Our adviser's face was speechless. That week was the busiest week for the church in some time. In fact all the seats were filled, and it happened to be the day when we did the breaking of the bread.
"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer." Acts 2:42
"...And the Lord added to the number daily being saved." Acts 2:47
^^The above were the central verses to the lesson on the first week of the influx of people.
God does wonders through prayer.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The End begins. And the beginning commences.
There used to be a trail leading from my neighborhood to my high school. An old, worn, rocky, and beat up dirt trail, surrounded by tall, dead, dry grass 7 months of the year. The trail, made wider and smoother over the years by the daily trudges of high school students, looped downhill into a small grove of eucalyptus trees, until it finally terminated at the end of the trees, at the main road next to the high school. The trail had its own story to tell, had its own character. Perhaps I grew a bond with the trail, and the field surrounding it. Every school morning and afternoon, one could hear the shuffles of young feet, walking home from a rough day. I was a part of that.
The weather and the trail always complemented each other. Every time it rained, a new groove would be cut into the trail, and walkers would have to be careful to not slip in the mud. Winding through the eucalyptus grove, the water trickled down and carved a new spot in the trail, turning dirt into mud. Those were the days when the trail was rather empty, and I had it all to myself, and in the process, got my pants all muddy. Those were often gray and cold days, but when the sun came out, the droplets of water left on the grass glistened. It was on rainy days when the true color of the lot came out, enhanced by the sense of foreboding gray left behind from the earlier rain. When these true colors came out, all was warm again.
Every time the wind came, the characteristic sound of a creaking eucalyptus tree would echo. Would the tree fall? The trail was littered with remnants of fallen trees, spontaneous logs impeding the paths of would be walkers. And then after the wind subsided, fallen limbs and branches would be scattered through the entire area. It was a sight to behold indeed, almost, in fact, a masterpiece of nature, a painting created from the chaos of the fallen branches. The crackling of the branches as I stepped on them, was something I embraced and looked forward to. The art followed days when nature seemed to be screaming and yelling for pain through her wind. Such is how things work. One day, chaos would ensue, and the next, comforting tranquility.
Soon I began loving the wind. One afternoon, when I was walking home, the wind shuffled across the dead grass, bringing the grass surrounding the trail back to life. The grass began to dance in waves. It was as if the grass was waving to me and saying hello. The cool wind blew across my face, and it said hi to me too, in rough, discrete screams. A rich hodgepodge of colors decorated the sky, and I knew, nature itself was greeting me, desiring to be with me. And I desired to be with it too, so I cherished the moment. I smelled the grass, I listened to the clamor of sounds from the wind moving across the grass, and for a moment, I was still. I embraced the scene I was a part of, a member of. At last, I could be alone with nature and contemplate to myself.
And, of course, there were the sunsets. I loved standing at the top of the hill, and looking across, at the eucalyptus trees, off into the distance, as the sun waved goodbye. Clouds always added depth to the scene. When the clouds and the sun worked together, shades of amorphous pink would paint the sky; these were the times I took out my camera. The clouds curled and spun around in midair, flaunting their wisp and delicacy. At times they were cotton. Other times they were sheets. Other times they were bubbles. Whatever the occasion, there would often be many people who would come to the trail, and take their camera out, to own a piece of the art nature had created. The trees, grass, and the hills in the far distance were a silhouette, dark but peaceful and conclusive. After the sun left and darkness began to enclose the lot, people would leave, satisfied at their catch.
During summer, the grass would wither and dry up, and the landscape would be full of hopelessness. This trend would begin in spring, when the rains would stop, and the grass would thirst to death. Even here there was beauty to be found, in the annual summer thunderstorms that would pop in the distance. These clouds were mean and strong as they first popped over the eastern mountains, but would gradually decline and turn to cotton when the storm rained itself to death. Such a scene repeated itself daily during the active years. Thus during the summer months, I went out whenever thunderstorms were forecast to the east. The purpose: to observe the beauty of the fresh clouds, and the frailty of the dead ones. At times these clouds covered the sky, and turned the eastern horizon dark with uncertainty. It was a clear advantage that the lot was the highest land in the vicinity, affording sufficient views in all directions. Just as during the sunsets, I took for myself a piece of nature's piece of art.
Then fall and winter arrived with swiftness. Once again I'd be traversing the trail to go to school. I always looked forward to those months of the year, when the rains came, and new, fresh green grass sprouted where the dead grass once covered. And I always adored how the new rose from the old, how life emerged victorious in the face of despair and death. New grass always sparkled with vitality and energy in its green. Then, after spring came and the rain abated, the grass would die, and the green of the lot would once again be a field of dry dusty brown. The cycle continued year after year. But one year, the year before the final year, the rains did not come. Life did not sprout up again, and the green vitality that I had so looked forward to did not come. I questioned why such things were so heavily dependent on the capriciousness of the rains. I deduced that such is how things work.
The trail is a master storyteller. For even if I had the time and space to bring those stories to life, I would not be able to. Day after day, month after month, year after year, new heaps of stories would come along.
The next year, the last year, the rains came with force and the green vitality of the grass came back with full strength. But on December 21, 2007, the trail was closed off, and houses were to be built along the old trail. The green of the grass is still visible from the new route, but it is hidden behind a black iron gate. Come summer, the grass will turn brown, but the story hidden behind the brown will remain blocked behind the black iron gate. The eucalyptus trees are gone. Visible from the other side, the school, the lot is empty and secluded. The definition from the trees, the story of the lot, the vitality of the greenery, can no longer can be seen from the outside. Instead, on a side trail, some grass has escaped from the bounds of the black iron gate. This is where the hope lies.
One month later, on January 17, 2008, I walk through the new route to school and look at the grass. An old era ends for me today. A new era begins. For with rejection comes a new perspective. For with death comes new life. For all the chaos, there is tranquility. There is pain however.
The weather and the trail always complemented each other. Every time it rained, a new groove would be cut into the trail, and walkers would have to be careful to not slip in the mud. Winding through the eucalyptus grove, the water trickled down and carved a new spot in the trail, turning dirt into mud. Those were the days when the trail was rather empty, and I had it all to myself, and in the process, got my pants all muddy. Those were often gray and cold days, but when the sun came out, the droplets of water left on the grass glistened. It was on rainy days when the true color of the lot came out, enhanced by the sense of foreboding gray left behind from the earlier rain. When these true colors came out, all was warm again.
Every time the wind came, the characteristic sound of a creaking eucalyptus tree would echo. Would the tree fall? The trail was littered with remnants of fallen trees, spontaneous logs impeding the paths of would be walkers. And then after the wind subsided, fallen limbs and branches would be scattered through the entire area. It was a sight to behold indeed, almost, in fact, a masterpiece of nature, a painting created from the chaos of the fallen branches. The crackling of the branches as I stepped on them, was something I embraced and looked forward to. The art followed days when nature seemed to be screaming and yelling for pain through her wind. Such is how things work. One day, chaos would ensue, and the next, comforting tranquility.
Soon I began loving the wind. One afternoon, when I was walking home, the wind shuffled across the dead grass, bringing the grass surrounding the trail back to life. The grass began to dance in waves. It was as if the grass was waving to me and saying hello. The cool wind blew across my face, and it said hi to me too, in rough, discrete screams. A rich hodgepodge of colors decorated the sky, and I knew, nature itself was greeting me, desiring to be with me. And I desired to be with it too, so I cherished the moment. I smelled the grass, I listened to the clamor of sounds from the wind moving across the grass, and for a moment, I was still. I embraced the scene I was a part of, a member of. At last, I could be alone with nature and contemplate to myself.
And, of course, there were the sunsets. I loved standing at the top of the hill, and looking across, at the eucalyptus trees, off into the distance, as the sun waved goodbye. Clouds always added depth to the scene. When the clouds and the sun worked together, shades of amorphous pink would paint the sky; these were the times I took out my camera. The clouds curled and spun around in midair, flaunting their wisp and delicacy. At times they were cotton. Other times they were sheets. Other times they were bubbles. Whatever the occasion, there would often be many people who would come to the trail, and take their camera out, to own a piece of the art nature had created. The trees, grass, and the hills in the far distance were a silhouette, dark but peaceful and conclusive. After the sun left and darkness began to enclose the lot, people would leave, satisfied at their catch.
During summer, the grass would wither and dry up, and the landscape would be full of hopelessness. This trend would begin in spring, when the rains would stop, and the grass would thirst to death. Even here there was beauty to be found, in the annual summer thunderstorms that would pop in the distance. These clouds were mean and strong as they first popped over the eastern mountains, but would gradually decline and turn to cotton when the storm rained itself to death. Such a scene repeated itself daily during the active years. Thus during the summer months, I went out whenever thunderstorms were forecast to the east. The purpose: to observe the beauty of the fresh clouds, and the frailty of the dead ones. At times these clouds covered the sky, and turned the eastern horizon dark with uncertainty. It was a clear advantage that the lot was the highest land in the vicinity, affording sufficient views in all directions. Just as during the sunsets, I took for myself a piece of nature's piece of art.
Then fall and winter arrived with swiftness. Once again I'd be traversing the trail to go to school. I always looked forward to those months of the year, when the rains came, and new, fresh green grass sprouted where the dead grass once covered. And I always adored how the new rose from the old, how life emerged victorious in the face of despair and death. New grass always sparkled with vitality and energy in its green. Then, after spring came and the rain abated, the grass would die, and the green of the lot would once again be a field of dry dusty brown. The cycle continued year after year. But one year, the year before the final year, the rains did not come. Life did not sprout up again, and the green vitality that I had so looked forward to did not come. I questioned why such things were so heavily dependent on the capriciousness of the rains. I deduced that such is how things work.
The trail is a master storyteller. For even if I had the time and space to bring those stories to life, I would not be able to. Day after day, month after month, year after year, new heaps of stories would come along.
The next year, the last year, the rains came with force and the green vitality of the grass came back with full strength. But on December 21, 2007, the trail was closed off, and houses were to be built along the old trail. The green of the grass is still visible from the new route, but it is hidden behind a black iron gate. Come summer, the grass will turn brown, but the story hidden behind the brown will remain blocked behind the black iron gate. The eucalyptus trees are gone. Visible from the other side, the school, the lot is empty and secluded. The definition from the trees, the story of the lot, the vitality of the greenery, can no longer can be seen from the outside. Instead, on a side trail, some grass has escaped from the bounds of the black iron gate. This is where the hope lies.
One month later, on January 17, 2008, I walk through the new route to school and look at the grass. An old era ends for me today. A new era begins. For with rejection comes a new perspective. For with death comes new life. For all the chaos, there is tranquility. There is pain however.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Well, I was going to think of a creative title for this, but I wont: Year 2007 in Review
Well, another year has passed, so quickly by us. Amazing. So many things in 2007. So many milestones. Events. Moments. Memories.
In this year, I have grown academically. From getting a B in January, to learning all about the human condition and philosophy in Humanities and AP European History. From getting a passion in thermodynamics, acid-base musings, and other chemistry stuff, to taking my first AP, SAT II, and SAT I tests. It was a year of growing. It was a year of setbacks. It was a year of overcoming what was deemed "impossible". Perhaps, more than anything this year, the theme is "learning". Not just about the Bronstead Lowry definition of acid/base, or just how to take the second derivative, but basically, learning that it CAN be done. How I survived the gruesome AP Calc exam FRQs, and mock exam MC. How I, after basically knowing nothing after my AP Chem teacher's lectures, turned out an A on the midterm. How I muddled through the reaction quizzes and somehow got a satisfactory score. How I did an AP Physics problem the wrong way, and then after checking, realized that it was wrong, and subsequently did it the right way. How, even though things seemed impossible, it was done. How I got 5's. Finishing the almost 1000-page Western Civilizations book for AP Euro. How, even with only 1 week left to spare till SAT II's, I studied mad and ended up with two scores above 750. How, even with 2 weeks 3 weeks left to spare till SAT I's, I studied mad and ended up with a score above 2100. But alas, heartbreak. Didn't reach my goal of 2200. Didn't reach my goal of the A. Faltering on the sophomore thesis paper.
But just as it was growth and learning academically, it was also social growth. I have always been an introvert. This year though was a year of growth and learning, as I broke out of my isolationist bubble. I signed up on the College Confidential forums in preparation for the AP exam, and immediately was exposed to the nation of high-achieving, Harvard bound kids. So, I get panicky about college apps since then. Learning how to interact. Watching movies with friends right before school starts - for only the second time (note: group, not individual friends). Watching, with horror, as someone I knew well was arrested. Watching, my crush, nonstop during AP Bio. Talking, to people about it. Going up to her, and asking if she needed help, only to be disappointed by a resounding "no". Looking, for her dreamy eyes, glistening smile, unmistakable figure. Listening, as someone told me she thought "I was weird". Crushed. And I learned, I should've done something different. Perhaps not follow her wherever she went, or perhaps not screamed and laughed like crazy when she was around and I was talking to classmates. Another breakthrough: opening up Gmail, and my friend begins chatting with me. Beginning an era. Doing something, that I had not done before, and feeling, good about it. For once I was "in". But learning, the folly of nonmoderation. Then being introduced to Facebook right before Thanksgiving break. But again learning, the folly of nonmoderation.
Finally, where would anyone be without hobbies? Spent a good amount of time in August reworking my website (not ready for public view yet, lol). Learning. CSS and Javascript, although only the bare minimums. Getting a new account of 50Webs and starting from there. Learning how to work a timelapse, and literally, work. Learned A LOT about photography, though I'm still not that good. After my old spot closed off around Christmas, finding a new site. (the first photography experience there was not until 1/1/08, though). And, rejoining Orchestra. Even though it was a year of firsts, it was also a year of seconds. Another trip to Disneyland with fellow stringists (is that even a word?).
Weatherwise, it was also a year of big events. Drought was a big theme in the South and West. Tornado was a big theme in the wiped out town of Greensburg, KS (hit on May 4), and in the heavily damaged town Enterprise, AL (hit on Mar 1). Tropical cyclones were the theme internationally. Sidr, killing ~5,000 people in October; Felix, killing ~100 in Nicaragua, being examples. Two Atlantic category 5 hurricanes making landfall at that top rating, Dean and Felix. The year of polar extremes. The warmest January in some time in the East, followed by the coldest winter in decades, in the South... Hemisphere. Although the flip to super cold in February, along with the Valentine's Day Blizzard, won't soon be forgotten. Historic flooding the the Mexican province of Tabasco in late Oct/early Nov.
As it was a year of firsts for myself, so it was a year of firsts for my school. As racial tensions stirred in Jena, AR, two racial incidents also occurred in my school. A person, dressing up similarly to a Ku Klux Klan member on Halloween (though certainly not intended). More ominously, a swastika painted in fecal matter one December morning. Gun threats. Bomb threats, following the Virginia Tech Massacre. The lines to get into restrooms. But on a better side, a record number of Class of '07ers to get into UC's. A record number of students taking AP Calculus. A new APEL class. Well, enough of firsts. How about seconds? Or, let's take a larger number. Yet ANOTHER first place finish from our school newspaper, The Nexus.
Personal "Milestones" (and setbacks) [i.e. list of firsts] This is NOT in chronological order, lol. Rather, in the order which I recollect them.
-First time chatting with people online (started on Gmail). Chat logs say September 4, while working on an AP Physics lab. Proceeded to get an AIM SN and chatting there, in December.
-Got a Facebook, November 16.
-Took SAT first time, December 1. Got a 2160, unfortunately, and plan on retaking it in '08.
-Actually started talking about girls while chatting. I had always kept crushes to myself. September 20. Ack. Not the best decision, lol.
-Tried out my new website format on 50Webs in August. Learned a little Javascript and CSS to make it happen. (Not a lot though, will be working on that.)
-Started actually doing extracurricular activities at school! Tutor for AP Educational Services (APES), and volunteer through Interact Club.
-Started panicking about college after discovering the hoards of amazing people with amazing stats at College Confidential forums. Found the forums in May as I was googling forums to study for AP tests.
-Rejoined school orchestra (not a first, but hey).
-Started reading Bible. Should've done this earlier. Some fellow Christians at school gave me a good prep talk after I got obsessed over a girl and stuff.
-Took my first AP exams in May. Calc: insanely hard FRQ's, insanely easy MC. Euro: nothing interesting, was easy. Chem: easy, but oh my gosh! SUPER SUPER Cold. I'll always remember that cloudy morning we took the AP Chem test, they had the air conditioning in the gym full blast, brrrrrr. After AP exams played cards with friends XD.
-First time evacuating. October 2007 Fires. See below.
-Started archiving hemispheric WV/IR imagery and 500mb height contours/anomalies.
-Started doing Timelapse photography. Failed, but worth the attempts.
-Foreign exchange student moved in to live with us. Helped her on her first day through the Freshman orientation. Was, interesting.
-Getting a B in Honors Humanities second quarter of 07-08. Boy, that was devastating. Had to take a deep introspection afterwards about what school was about and stuff.
In this year, I have grown academically. From getting a B in January, to learning all about the human condition and philosophy in Humanities and AP European History. From getting a passion in thermodynamics, acid-base musings, and other chemistry stuff, to taking my first AP, SAT II, and SAT I tests. It was a year of growing. It was a year of setbacks. It was a year of overcoming what was deemed "impossible". Perhaps, more than anything this year, the theme is "learning". Not just about the Bronstead Lowry definition of acid/base, or just how to take the second derivative, but basically, learning that it CAN be done. How I survived the gruesome AP Calc exam FRQs, and mock exam MC. How I, after basically knowing nothing after my AP Chem teacher's lectures, turned out an A on the midterm. How I muddled through the reaction quizzes and somehow got a satisfactory score. How I did an AP Physics problem the wrong way, and then after checking, realized that it was wrong, and subsequently did it the right way. How, even though things seemed impossible, it was done. How I got 5's. Finishing the almost 1000-page Western Civilizations book for AP Euro. How, even with only 1 week left to spare till SAT II's, I studied mad and ended up with two scores above 750. How, even with 2 weeks 3 weeks left to spare till SAT I's, I studied mad and ended up with a score above 2100. But alas, heartbreak. Didn't reach my goal of 2200. Didn't reach my goal of the A. Faltering on the sophomore thesis paper.
But just as it was growth and learning academically, it was also social growth. I have always been an introvert. This year though was a year of growth and learning, as I broke out of my isolationist bubble. I signed up on the College Confidential forums in preparation for the AP exam, and immediately was exposed to the nation of high-achieving, Harvard bound kids. So, I get panicky about college apps since then. Learning how to interact. Watching movies with friends right before school starts - for only the second time (note: group, not individual friends). Watching, with horror, as someone I knew well was arrested. Watching, my crush, nonstop during AP Bio. Talking, to people about it. Going up to her, and asking if she needed help, only to be disappointed by a resounding "no". Looking, for her dreamy eyes, glistening smile, unmistakable figure. Listening, as someone told me she thought "I was weird". Crushed. And I learned, I should've done something different. Perhaps not follow her wherever she went, or perhaps not screamed and laughed like crazy when she was around and I was talking to classmates. Another breakthrough: opening up Gmail, and my friend begins chatting with me. Beginning an era. Doing something, that I had not done before, and feeling, good about it. For once I was "in". But learning, the folly of nonmoderation. Then being introduced to Facebook right before Thanksgiving break. But again learning, the folly of nonmoderation.
Finally, where would anyone be without hobbies? Spent a good amount of time in August reworking my website (not ready for public view yet, lol). Learning. CSS and Javascript, although only the bare minimums. Getting a new account of 50Webs and starting from there. Learning how to work a timelapse, and literally, work. Learned A LOT about photography, though I'm still not that good. After my old spot closed off around Christmas, finding a new site. (the first photography experience there was not until 1/1/08, though). And, rejoining Orchestra. Even though it was a year of firsts, it was also a year of seconds. Another trip to Disneyland with fellow stringists (is that even a word?).
Weatherwise, it was also a year of big events. Drought was a big theme in the South and West. Tornado was a big theme in the wiped out town of Greensburg, KS (hit on May 4), and in the heavily damaged town Enterprise, AL (hit on Mar 1). Tropical cyclones were the theme internationally. Sidr, killing ~5,000 people in October; Felix, killing ~100 in Nicaragua, being examples. Two Atlantic category 5 hurricanes making landfall at that top rating, Dean and Felix. The year of polar extremes. The warmest January in some time in the East, followed by the coldest winter in decades, in the South... Hemisphere. Although the flip to super cold in February, along with the Valentine's Day Blizzard, won't soon be forgotten. Historic flooding the the Mexican province of Tabasco in late Oct/early Nov.
As it was a year of firsts for myself, so it was a year of firsts for my school. As racial tensions stirred in Jena, AR, two racial incidents also occurred in my school. A person, dressing up similarly to a Ku Klux Klan member on Halloween (though certainly not intended). More ominously, a swastika painted in fecal matter one December morning. Gun threats. Bomb threats, following the Virginia Tech Massacre. The lines to get into restrooms. But on a better side, a record number of Class of '07ers to get into UC's. A record number of students taking AP Calculus. A new APEL class. Well, enough of firsts. How about seconds? Or, let's take a larger number. Yet ANOTHER first place finish from our school newspaper, The Nexus.
Personal "Milestones" (and setbacks) [i.e. list of firsts] This is NOT in chronological order, lol. Rather, in the order which I recollect them.
-First time chatting with people online (started on Gmail). Chat logs say September 4, while working on an AP Physics lab. Proceeded to get an AIM SN and chatting there, in December.
-Got a Facebook, November 16.
-Took SAT first time, December 1. Got a 2160, unfortunately, and plan on retaking it in '08.
-Actually started talking about girls while chatting. I had always kept crushes to myself. September 20. Ack. Not the best decision, lol.
-Tried out my new website format on 50Webs in August. Learned a little Javascript and CSS to make it happen. (Not a lot though, will be working on that.)
-Started actually doing extracurricular activities at school! Tutor for AP Educational Services (APES), and volunteer through Interact Club.
-Started panicking about college after discovering the hoards of amazing people with amazing stats at College Confidential forums. Found the forums in May as I was googling forums to study for AP tests.
-Rejoined school orchestra (not a first, but hey).
-Started reading Bible. Should've done this earlier. Some fellow Christians at school gave me a good prep talk after I got obsessed over a girl and stuff.
-Took my first AP exams in May. Calc: insanely hard FRQ's, insanely easy MC. Euro: nothing interesting, was easy. Chem: easy, but oh my gosh! SUPER SUPER Cold. I'll always remember that cloudy morning we took the AP Chem test, they had the air conditioning in the gym full blast, brrrrrr. After AP exams played cards with friends XD.
-First time evacuating. October 2007 Fires. See below.
-Started archiving hemispheric WV/IR imagery and 500mb height contours/anomalies.
-Started doing Timelapse photography. Failed, but worth the attempts.
-Foreign exchange student moved in to live with us. Helped her on her first day through the Freshman orientation. Was, interesting.
-Getting a B in Honors Humanities second quarter of 07-08. Boy, that was devastating. Had to take a deep introspection afterwards about what school was about and stuff.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Prep Talk
So today, I was at our church fellowship, where our adviser gave me a one on one prep talk. It starts out with me pwning him in Connect Five, but it develops into something meaningful. I thought it was pretty cool, so I'd thought I'd paraphrase it here to the best of my ability.
My adviser starts out as always with: "Where are you in your spiritual walk?" This is always a tough question for me; personal questions are always tough cause they are always loaded with semantic traps, lol (you'll see later what I mean). But, I answer, "I could do better". Fair enough. But, obviously, this is a rather generic answer, and he sees that right away, and then proceeds to ask the question, "Are you really a Christian...Do you really trust in Jesus?"
This is where the fun part starts. He starts off with a figure. A rectangle. A foundation, rooted in God. Then, later, alongside this, he adds a different foundation. A generic church answer is well, "the world". But no. My adviser puts it blatantly: Satan. Now I get pretty surprised here. He goes on to say that materialism, worldly idolatry, greed, etc. are all products of this Satanic foundation, which contrasts with the joy, love, peace, fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)., products of God. So he asks me, "where's your foundation?" Many people become Christians, but still have Satan as their foundation. He made an example of a disciple, who once worked with Sony, who basically gave had to move himself away, piece by piece, from this Satanic foundation.
But how to know what is the foundation? He says: look at their checkbooks. Look at how they use their time. Actions reveal character, which is rooted in either a God or Satan foundation. Does the person just use the money on him/herself or save it? Donate it to charities? And so comes the topic of decision making. He brings up this Student Leadership thing he's starting come January/February. Can't be one half Satan foundation and one half God foundation. Do or not do, it is a commitment to make. Well, I think, hmmm, this is pretty strong stuff now.
It continues. He brings up stats... and these stats are appalling. From his experience, only 50% of strong Christian junior highers remain strong in High school. Out of those who remain strong, only 25% will remain strong through college. And out of those who remain strong through college, only 10-15% will remain strong as they begin their careers. Again, the decision making process. He brings up an example of a strong Christian who, after having a baby, decided to take a break from serving God, but after a couple of years, his faith had weakened drastically. It's hard to go back up after going down. He subsequently talks about himself: his faith was wishy washy until the end of high school, but then, "by the grace of God", he changed at the end of his HS years. He remained a strong Christian, choosing his wife over other, prettier girls who were chasing him, because his wife had a strong faith.
Then he talks about the big picture. Who has the big picture? The "world" talks about planning for the future. The Christian faith looks to eternity. It's easy to make money; no need for a college education to become a millionaire. But in the end, it's all temporary. He used to watch movies every week; no longer. The pretty girls who were chasing after him; developing wrinkles and losing their figure after giving birth. The only thing that is eternal: is God. So, he asks again, who has the big picture in mind?
As always, he brings it back to how that applies to me. First thing: God created everything, so why worry about little things? Why not ask people to come to Friday night Fellowship? Second thing: what decisions am I to make? Will I be in the very large percentage of people who drop out of their faith after high school, or will I remain steadfast in what I believe in? What will be my foundation? Will I be committed to my faith? Will my faith become a Non-negotiable part of my life (i.e. regardless of how I feel or what happens, will I keep strong in my faith)? He was talking about student leaders, who say they are committed, but can't come during some weeks because "they are busy". But he himself, has all the work he does for church (talks and caring for two/three campuses of our church, CBCSD [Chinese Bible Church of San Diego]), his children, and his work, adding on to his commitment in the Student Leadership program. Who, in fact, is the busy one?
He asks again, am I really a Christian? Do I really trust in Jesus? Obviously, I couldn't answer. Those who have reached the actualization of being committed to Christ, would be able to. Three parables in the book of Matthew exist. The one he explained to me: a man goes through this piece of land, and finds a pearl. He subsequently sells all that he has to get this piece of land with the Pearl in it. Likewise, we have to give up everything we have (not literally, but more specifically our worshiping of the World), and we must trust in Jesus. [This relates to the paradigm shift found in Ephesians 4:22-24.]
Food for thought. This was a talk I believe that I needed. I've been depressed this week and all this stuff - and I've been stressing out on tests and girls too much. I need to go back down to the basics - my foundation, and go from there. This is one talk I'll need to remember in my heart, and I hope this post can serve to remind me from time to time.
My adviser starts out as always with: "Where are you in your spiritual walk?" This is always a tough question for me; personal questions are always tough cause they are always loaded with semantic traps, lol (you'll see later what I mean). But, I answer, "I could do better". Fair enough. But, obviously, this is a rather generic answer, and he sees that right away, and then proceeds to ask the question, "Are you really a Christian...Do you really trust in Jesus?"
This is where the fun part starts. He starts off with a figure. A rectangle. A foundation, rooted in God. Then, later, alongside this, he adds a different foundation. A generic church answer is well, "the world". But no. My adviser puts it blatantly: Satan. Now I get pretty surprised here. He goes on to say that materialism, worldly idolatry, greed, etc. are all products of this Satanic foundation, which contrasts with the joy, love, peace, fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)., products of God. So he asks me, "where's your foundation?" Many people become Christians, but still have Satan as their foundation. He made an example of a disciple, who once worked with Sony, who basically gave had to move himself away, piece by piece, from this Satanic foundation.
But how to know what is the foundation? He says: look at their checkbooks. Look at how they use their time. Actions reveal character, which is rooted in either a God or Satan foundation. Does the person just use the money on him/herself or save it? Donate it to charities? And so comes the topic of decision making. He brings up this Student Leadership thing he's starting come January/February. Can't be one half Satan foundation and one half God foundation. Do or not do, it is a commitment to make. Well, I think, hmmm, this is pretty strong stuff now.
It continues. He brings up stats... and these stats are appalling. From his experience, only 50% of strong Christian junior highers remain strong in High school. Out of those who remain strong, only 25% will remain strong through college. And out of those who remain strong through college, only 10-15% will remain strong as they begin their careers. Again, the decision making process. He brings up an example of a strong Christian who, after having a baby, decided to take a break from serving God, but after a couple of years, his faith had weakened drastically. It's hard to go back up after going down. He subsequently talks about himself: his faith was wishy washy until the end of high school, but then, "by the grace of God", he changed at the end of his HS years. He remained a strong Christian, choosing his wife over other, prettier girls who were chasing him, because his wife had a strong faith.
Then he talks about the big picture. Who has the big picture? The "world" talks about planning for the future. The Christian faith looks to eternity. It's easy to make money; no need for a college education to become a millionaire. But in the end, it's all temporary. He used to watch movies every week; no longer. The pretty girls who were chasing after him; developing wrinkles and losing their figure after giving birth. The only thing that is eternal: is God. So, he asks again, who has the big picture in mind?
As always, he brings it back to how that applies to me. First thing: God created everything, so why worry about little things? Why not ask people to come to Friday night Fellowship? Second thing: what decisions am I to make? Will I be in the very large percentage of people who drop out of their faith after high school, or will I remain steadfast in what I believe in? What will be my foundation? Will I be committed to my faith? Will my faith become a Non-negotiable part of my life (i.e. regardless of how I feel or what happens, will I keep strong in my faith)? He was talking about student leaders, who say they are committed, but can't come during some weeks because "they are busy". But he himself, has all the work he does for church (talks and caring for two/three campuses of our church, CBCSD [Chinese Bible Church of San Diego]), his children, and his work, adding on to his commitment in the Student Leadership program. Who, in fact, is the busy one?
He asks again, am I really a Christian? Do I really trust in Jesus? Obviously, I couldn't answer. Those who have reached the actualization of being committed to Christ, would be able to. Three parables in the book of Matthew exist. The one he explained to me: a man goes through this piece of land, and finds a pearl. He subsequently sells all that he has to get this piece of land with the Pearl in it. Likewise, we have to give up everything we have (not literally, but more specifically our worshiping of the World), and we must trust in Jesus. [This relates to the paradigm shift found in Ephesians 4:22-24.]
Food for thought. This was a talk I believe that I needed. I've been depressed this week and all this stuff - and I've been stressing out on tests and girls too much. I need to go back down to the basics - my foundation, and go from there. This is one talk I'll need to remember in my heart, and I hope this post can serve to remind me from time to time.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
A Break from the Weather Side
It seems that I have not posted here for 2 months. A lot has gone on since then. No not anything weather-related, just personally related. So this is as much of a rant as a record, and as much as a record as a "Dear Diary" conversation (but of course, that sounds so cheesy...).
To start, I began chatting with someone who had, let's say, a bit of a hot temper. Not just any hot temper, but one that exploded with murder threats. So of course, I got all tangled up in that crap in chat, but thankfully, someone blabbed and nobody was hurt.
The bigger issue, ironically, deals with girls. Ah, the bliss of young love! Ha, well, there's this sophomore girl whom I really like. Like REALLY. Since September. Well, I just said hi to her TODAY. I suck, really, I know. Well, I assume that's a pretty good record. Yay! My first interaction with a girl I like. Then there's this OTHER girl I like, and we actually talk, since I've tutored her in chem. (PSST... she finds me funny.)
Now, tying this all together.
Morning, 1st period: I get called up to the office for something about the guy who threatened to murder. Wow, seems solemn.
Lunch: went to Chess Club for the first time. (trivial stuff just thrown in here)
3rd period, AP Bio: I see the girl I REALLY like. So basically the class was doing a lab. And when I walked to ask my teacher a question (my teacher was standing right next to her), she looked me in the eye. Wow that totally made my day! So like I was whoa there... and my cheeks started turning hot and stuff. Well this guy who sits next to me knows about this, and he's with her in 4th period, and knows her well, why this is important later. Then I see this other guy who sits next to me hold her hands! WTH???? Well, I get really pissed, but no matter. My cheeks remain red and I walk into 4th period feeling like it's 100 degrees, when in fact, outside it's bone chilly cold.
During 4th period there are some girls and myself who just like to laugh and talk, and this guy comes up, I'm like saying it's hot and stuff, and he says do you have hot flashes? This sends everyone into a laughing frenzy. lol.
Then comes the interesting part. I'm a tutor in something called AP Educational Services. Well, the guy who sits next to me in AP Bio tells me that SHE is in there. I'm like WOW, and I rush in, and yep, there she is. But behind, it's my OTHER crush! So I'm like wow wow wow 2 in 1!! I had planned that my other crush would be there, though. Still, amazing and I'm like feeling in heaven. Freaking awesome. But alas, I'm there for a reason, and it is to tutor. So I do. After I get that done, the good part begins. I start talking to my "OTHER crush", helping her with Physics. The thing is though she's asking about electrostatics which I have absolutely NO recollection of. She shows me this question involving this thing and I'm like WTH is that. She LAUGHS HER BUTTS OFF. Wow that was pretty freaking amazing, I think. Afterwards a couple of girls (one of them friends with my BIG crush) ask me over to ANOTHER ROOM to help, but guess what--I'm still thinking about my 2 crushes and dang I'm like bs'ing everything. Can't think when you like two girls and you don't know if they left. I bs it, apologize BIGTIME to them, and check back, alas, my "OTHER crush" is gone.
Not my BIG crush though. Someone has been helping her. Anyways, tutoring session is beginning to end, and I felt, hey I have some homework I could go to the school library to work on. I sorta speak that to my friend next to me loudly, and RIGHT AFTER I say that, my crush asks someone, "when does the library close"?
Yep, she wants to go to the library too. WTH.
So I go, and I can't concentrate AGAIN. There's this guy who asks me for help with AP US history, can't do it. Instead I set things up for the Hi. I help him with Bio and lead him over to where my BIG crush is sitting. I help him, and well, she's talking to someone. Not until 10 min before the school library closes is she open. She moans and groans over the homework. So I go in.
My legs are quivering. What to say?
Then I arrive. I gently say, "hey, you want some help on that?" She responds no. And then she picks up her cell phone, gets up, and walks over, then picks up her stuff and leaves.
Dang.
Now, there were SO MANY clues that she likes me as well... but the library part was just too rigged. She didn't act much like she liked me while studying in the library, in fact, it seemed as if she was waiting for the Hi. She almost NEVER asks for tutoring help. And from my observations, I could swear that she and the other guy from my table know each other well enough to be bf/gf! That leaves the question - did the guy who sits next to me set it up? Did she know already? Questions, questions. Actually I've been quite conspicuous with this crush. Most everyone I know is banking that she already knew about it. But I've been saying I would say hi for 2 months now. Why did she know it was going to be today?
So, well, that ended my adventure for today. I could've added some discriptive writing, but alas, it's too late. Maybe I'll edit this post later.
What a day. If tomorrow is as interesting I might just get the guts to ask one of the girls out.
To start, I began chatting with someone who had, let's say, a bit of a hot temper. Not just any hot temper, but one that exploded with murder threats. So of course, I got all tangled up in that crap in chat, but thankfully, someone blabbed and nobody was hurt.
The bigger issue, ironically, deals with girls. Ah, the bliss of young love! Ha, well, there's this sophomore girl whom I really like. Like REALLY. Since September. Well, I just said hi to her TODAY. I suck, really, I know. Well, I assume that's a pretty good record. Yay! My first interaction with a girl I like. Then there's this OTHER girl I like, and we actually talk, since I've tutored her in chem. (PSST... she finds me funny.)
Now, tying this all together.
Morning, 1st period: I get called up to the office for something about the guy who threatened to murder. Wow, seems solemn.
Lunch: went to Chess Club for the first time. (trivial stuff just thrown in here)
3rd period, AP Bio: I see the girl I REALLY like. So basically the class was doing a lab. And when I walked to ask my teacher a question (my teacher was standing right next to her), she looked me in the eye. Wow that totally made my day! So like I was whoa there... and my cheeks started turning hot and stuff. Well this guy who sits next to me knows about this, and he's with her in 4th period, and knows her well, why this is important later. Then I see this other guy who sits next to me hold her hands! WTH???? Well, I get really pissed, but no matter. My cheeks remain red and I walk into 4th period feeling like it's 100 degrees, when in fact, outside it's bone chilly cold.
During 4th period there are some girls and myself who just like to laugh and talk, and this guy comes up, I'm like saying it's hot and stuff, and he says do you have hot flashes? This sends everyone into a laughing frenzy. lol.
Then comes the interesting part. I'm a tutor in something called AP Educational Services. Well, the guy who sits next to me in AP Bio tells me that SHE is in there. I'm like WOW, and I rush in, and yep, there she is. But behind, it's my OTHER crush! So I'm like wow wow wow 2 in 1!! I had planned that my other crush would be there, though. Still, amazing and I'm like feeling in heaven. Freaking awesome. But alas, I'm there for a reason, and it is to tutor. So I do. After I get that done, the good part begins. I start talking to my "OTHER crush", helping her with Physics. The thing is though she's asking about electrostatics which I have absolutely NO recollection of. She shows me this question involving this thing and I'm like WTH is that. She LAUGHS HER BUTTS OFF. Wow that was pretty freaking amazing, I think. Afterwards a couple of girls (one of them friends with my BIG crush) ask me over to ANOTHER ROOM to help, but guess what--I'm still thinking about my 2 crushes and dang I'm like bs'ing everything. Can't think when you like two girls and you don't know if they left. I bs it, apologize BIGTIME to them, and check back, alas, my "OTHER crush" is gone.
Not my BIG crush though. Someone has been helping her. Anyways, tutoring session is beginning to end, and I felt, hey I have some homework I could go to the school library to work on. I sorta speak that to my friend next to me loudly, and RIGHT AFTER I say that, my crush asks someone, "when does the library close"?
Yep, she wants to go to the library too. WTH.
So I go, and I can't concentrate AGAIN. There's this guy who asks me for help with AP US history, can't do it. Instead I set things up for the Hi. I help him with Bio and lead him over to where my BIG crush is sitting. I help him, and well, she's talking to someone. Not until 10 min before the school library closes is she open. She moans and groans over the homework. So I go in.
My legs are quivering. What to say?
Then I arrive. I gently say, "hey, you want some help on that?" She responds no. And then she picks up her cell phone, gets up, and walks over, then picks up her stuff and leaves.
Dang.
Now, there were SO MANY clues that she likes me as well... but the library part was just too rigged. She didn't act much like she liked me while studying in the library, in fact, it seemed as if she was waiting for the Hi. She almost NEVER asks for tutoring help. And from my observations, I could swear that she and the other guy from my table know each other well enough to be bf/gf! That leaves the question - did the guy who sits next to me set it up? Did she know already? Questions, questions. Actually I've been quite conspicuous with this crush. Most everyone I know is banking that she already knew about it. But I've been saying I would say hi for 2 months now. Why did she know it was going to be today?
So, well, that ended my adventure for today. I could've added some discriptive writing, but alas, it's too late. Maybe I'll edit this post later.
What a day. If tomorrow is as interesting I might just get the guts to ask one of the girls out.
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